Finally: a Cure for Boring Speeches

Improve Judaism with this one cool trick

Perhaps it’s time for something a bit lighter.

I understand that, in many ways, I’m not quite like most frum Jews. But I’d guess that I’m not the only one who struggles to stay calm and non-violent during event speeches - especially after decades of repeated exposure.¹

You can be sure that I feel guilty about this: it really isn’t fair to the speakers who are, after all, putting themselves out there for one good cause or another. And there’s never any excuse for public criticism of a speech you’re not enjoying.

In fact, not every speaker wants to speak, and most speakers are trying their very best. My rebbe, R’ Naftali Friedler ז”ל once confessed to me that he found preparing chasuna speeches immensely - unreasonably - frustrating. And I can recall few experiences from my own teaching years more painful than the hours spent trying to think of something remotely useful to say about each member of that year’s graduating class. But appreciating how important it was for the grads and their families, I soldiered on.²

Nevertheless, human nature is human nature. Enduring speeches can be a challenge

So here’s a fun game we can all play: Buzzword Bingo. Some years back, Buzzword Bingo was all the rage at endless, soul destroying business meetings. Rather than silently endure the pain, participants would create digital cards containing the awful examples of corporate jargon they expected to hear. You know what I’m talking about:

• Operationalize

• Forward thinking

• Win-win

• New framework

• Right-size

• Solutioning

• Secret sauce

• Change agent

The participant who filled his card first, won. The game has two benefits:

1. It relieves the boredom.

2. With a little luck, future speakers will find out and commit to actual communication.

Well just imagine what a game changer this could be on the siyum circuit.³ If essentially meaningless words like these fall out of fashion, people might be forced to spend more time thinking about what they’re saying.

• Nitzchiyus

• Gevaldige zechus

• Yiddishe spark

• Klal Yisrael needs your learning

• Shteig!

• …

Of course, it’s important that outsiders - including the speaker - don’t realize at the time what’s going on. דרך ארץ קדמה לתורה and all that. But with a little luck, word will gradually get out, the professionals will up their game,⁴ and standards will improve.

Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash

1. To be clear, I’m not talking about family members speaking to and about ba’alei simcha: they tend to appropriately reflect the expectations of their listeners. This is more about the “professional” speakers - among whose numbers I have, from time to time, been counted.

2. I’ll even confess to feeling secret relief that I was sitting shiva for my mother and consequently got to skip one particular graduation altogether.

3. I once mentioned to a very senior rosh hayeshiva how bored he looked in videos and photographs while sitting on the dais at major siyums. He replied with passion: “You have NO IDEA how boring these are!” He went on to illustrate his point with a hilarious story that I won’t repeat here.

4. Did you have “up their game” on your buzzword bingo card?